YouTube Captioning: The Ancient Church (1of3)

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Hello folks! Thank you for joining us. I’d like to welcome you all to another fun riff with the YouTube Captioning-


If a synth hit that heavy doesn’t save you, the ’80s hold no salvation for you!

In the Beginning, there was an awkward silence…



We are just working Adobe Premier 3.1 here.

The Thomas Haden Story

Ahh. The born-again Baldwin.

“Verily, as ye have done unto the least of these Baldwins, so have ye done unto me” –Celebs 3:41

Yeah? Tea?

Waa hoo raa!

And now ended. Nice going, Sister Celibacy.

“To dissipate. Perhaps nucleate a raindrop.”

(By men obviously. We never finish anything.)


Wherever quality churches are sold!

Before the invention of science, a candle had to be a candle in the darkness. Functional, but lacking in poetry.

“…Voltron style…”

“…and potlatch…”

“…right across from the laundromat.”

Among other things.

The ax can’t wait until noon?

“…Jesus don’t want none/ ‘Less you got buns hon…”

And one that claims to be a cheap knockoff. They’re weird.

Human nature?

Oh, this is a terrible art gallery.

We’re going in, we’re going in FULL THROTTLE! That aught to keep those Papists off our tail!

Geez, get a plant 325 A.D.

And coming soon to Copley Square, Cleveland Circle and The Shops of the Prudential!

Is anyone else seeing an upside down cock & balls?

“…loser James…”

*cough* Nepotism! *cough!*


Even the parts that aren’t cruel or nonsensical?

God’s all wise, he’s just not a very clear communicator.

“…It ended in a pie fight.”

15 axes? Are we sure none of them were splitting mauls?

#1. Point cannon away from face.

Faith in Santa.

Legionaries wore Birkenstocks?

The mothers didn’t trouble their pretty little heads over it.

“…and sculpt ever more elaborate brass dandelions.”

“It’s still wet.”

Count Dooku?

(90 years. Men. Gotta love us.)


                                                  Bored sick

“Look, a penny.”

“Look, a penny.”

“Look, a penny.”

“Look, a penny.”

Meanwhile, Islam.

“They are as exciting as they sound.”

What about the Coptics?

“Jesus! Shut your head off! We’re trying to sleep down here.”

Just like “Joey” on NBC.

You’d think God would have seen this coming.

1. The unification or trinary nature of the Trinity

2. Godzilla

“…bowl cuts.”

Baldwin’s voice has a comforting “what the sh*t-ness” to it.

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