Carry On

No existential threat to the civilized world exists from fundamentalist terrorists. We do not call the madman Emperor, and we do not call the criminal Nemesis. Were terrorists able to threaten the existence of our values, the existence of our institutions of law, or even the lives of any great portion of us, they would not require the tools of cowardice. If Cheney, Beck, Limbaugh, Palin or O’Reilly will argue otherwise, let them do so, and let them stand against evidence. Fear will always be sold cheap by shameful men. Defend reason. Keep calm, and carry on.

Spaceships

If you don’t have artificial gravity, science fiction starts to look more like the age of schooners. To get from place to place in the solar system it’d be necessary to accelerate halfway, turn around and decelerate for the rest of the trip. Accelerating or decelerating at more than the equivalent rate of Earth gravity (9.8m/s) would be difficult for the crew to withstand for long. Jupiter is about 983 million km from Earth at its nearest point. If I’m doing the math right (and I’m probably not) accelerating halfway at 9.8m/s would take 158 hours — about 6½ days. The full trip would take two weeks.

Laser weapons are a must. You’d only be able to see them when they shoot through gas or dust, but when it comes to shooting from one moving platform and hitting another on a logarithmic scale you won’t get much time to aim. A projectile would deliver more energy with less expended, but a powerful lazer would be able to vaporize or nudge it out of the way. Opponents would basically joust on a split-second timeframe, trying to pass momentarily close enough for their computers to shoot. Ships would be no more than specks to one another, usually less. Forget about human combat.

Until someone tells me what exactly an “energy shield” would be, we’ll have to assume that surviving a lazer attack means thick, dense plating all over the ship. If a lazer can vaporize a few cubic meters of hull in one shot, you’d better have a lot of hull to spare. It should be shiny too. Getting hit with a lazer might lead to some pretty refractions.

One last thought: Get used to the solar system. It takes light from the sun (which doesn’t have to accelerate) eight minutes to reach Earth, four hours to reach Neptune, and four years to reach the nearest star — itself a burnt-out red dwarf, Proxima Centauri.

Blowing some of the cobwebs out of scifi tropes, fiction begins to slip into unfamiliar grooves.

YouTube Captioning: Morning Musume – Onna ni Sachi Are

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Average Ages

Morning Musume: 20

Tanpopo: 17

Berryz Kobo: 16

°C-ute: 15

(You’re welcome.)

Oh god, this is one of those sh*tty uploads where the sound is out of sync, isn’t it?
The director’s concept this time: “King Kong before the monkey shows up.”
Hugh wooed Heaney
That’s all garlic?
Condone cool weed. Neat, a wigwam
Elephant, no, Coochie Goosy
“Mother may we,” we know the rules
Let me tell her, Miss Asinine
God an emo, meet sinners armed
Sure you can’t debug Camino, why could she?
Gnu, gnu, sheep, pig
Ya, I know 9-pin
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
Double sheeting
I know Tony
Don’t let it travel on the back of me!
Yoghurt is yummy today!
I want him to cower
Sh*t I was saying you could do well
Day old Dominos
In Jew movie saloons
The cartoons
I’d like to go today
My outfit tangled a sardine
Oh, and I need some cheap art, eh?
I sat here, you know buddy
First bridge, and I’m still not sure about the sound sync.
I suppose if straight men costumed them they wouldn’t be wearing anything
Took her eating
A coke girly
Jenny mooned you? Dude, that’s your car
With those sheep they “knew” Killarney
I let them in, he says she said
I’m damn near shaking
Murdered Nietzsche
Took her emo nail like a shiv
She’s out busted — Eee! — to tomb I laid the cow
Aladdin, Nemo — get your cousins
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
I’m no condom
Eat your curry
Now can you see I’m no amateur?
Your eyes allow me to neck
A-A-e-choo! Cool wad
Sh*t, I was saying you could do well
Someone should docket her
Cool comb-over, Harry
So can you
Our life’s so cold today
Why does she care you cooked her lab?
Oh — mmm — I need some cheap art, eh
I sang here. You’re normal, eh?
What does a boa do exactly?
This is a weird version of Chicken Little.
I can’t tell what’s bad choreography, what’s bad costuming, and what’s bad lighting.
Allow me to cavort
She-Owl was sent to cool the world
Deal out those dominos
And to your own bitch, salut
Chicken, mmm!
I’ll have some coke-odin
Mad Hatter thinks of us as Eve
Odin, I need the chief RA
Outside here you’re normal, eh?
I’m ready to go’way
Sh*t, hours singing your cool new wail
So won’t you die, killer?
A true cover headache
Suck it, do
A lesser coma day
Why don’t you care, you crooked liar?
Oh what a nasal, cheap “artist”
Outside here you’re nobody
“A monkey?”
“MY monkey!”
“Her monkey?”
“Which monkey?”
“That monkey.”
“Monkey.”
“Monkey.”
“MONKEY!”
Incoming 747!

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Sunday Comics

By virtue of their printed size, long-form (Sunday) comics have a history of being difficult to translate into book form. Newspaper widths vary between about 11″x17″ (tabloid) and 18″x24″ (broadsheet), while trade paperbacks much above 8.5″x11″ (letter) become expensive to print and hard to move through retail channels. In order to allow reprinting in smaller formats and in different shapes, the modern comics page is dominated by comics with simple art and a large number of small panels. Meanwhile, dedicated comic books, which can be reprinted at the same scale and dimensions in trade paperback, have grown ever more complex and detailed. Sunday comics with ongoing storylines have disappeared, while comic book storylines grow ever richer.

Lets find a different Sunday strip format that’s easier to reprint in book form.

We assume that each artist should get the same amount of space in each edition, and that the artwork should be reproduced at roughly the same size in newspaper and book form.

The simplest method would be to print four standard comic book pages on each page of newsprint (fig. 1), for a total of 16 comics per sheet (bifold: cover, inside left, inside right, back). Reprinting is a question of slicing each full-size page into four book pages.

Fine. Boring. The newspaper sheet looks like a set of unrelated items stuck next to each other.

We could also do three landscape-oriented pages per sheet. (fig. 2) This would give the artist more space to work with. Reprinting would require a landscape-oriented trade paperback though, which is harder to shelve. It’s also just as boring.

If we’re reinventing the Sunday comics page, let’s come up with something more interesting.

We’ll start by dividing the page into blocks. Each page of the trade paperback gets six blocks (2×3), each page of the newspaper, eighteen (3×6). (fig. 3) The blocks need not be square, but they can’t be rotated between newsprint and trade, and need to maintain a consistent aspect ratio.

We now combine the blocks into shapes. These shapes become the working space each artist is given. Since the shapes won’t be divided up further in reprinting, the artist has freedom to use the space in any way desired — panels of all shapes and sizes, or no individual panels at all. A 2×3 block trade paperback page can be divided into fifteen pairs of contiguous shapes. (fig. 4)

Shapes that result in an ambiguous visual flow (spots with no clear left-to-right/top-to-bottom progression) have to be discarded. This leaves us with eight shape combinations. (fig. 5)

Our goal is to give each artist the same amount of space per issue. With twelve artists per sheet of newsprint, each artist gets two sets of blocks to work with, totaling six blocks.

The eight shape sets break down into three basic categories:

  • Two shapes of the same size (1 & 2)
  • One shape with four blocks and one shape with two blocks (3, 4, 5 & 6)
  • One single block and one shape with five blocks (7 & 8)

When we take the eight basic shape pairs and start trying to fit them into the 3×6 grid of the newspaper page, we begin to notice things. (fig. 6) It’s almost always possible to randomly choose one of each category and fit them together in a nice jumble, without any two shapes being fitted together in the same manner they would be in the 2×3 trade paperback. Shape pairs 3 and 4 tend to cause the exceptions, especially with 7s and 8s, often being either impossible to fit into the grid, or only working in their original positions. Neighbors in general don’t tend to work well (2/3/4, 3/4/5, 6/7/8, etc.). A great variety of interesting layouts are allowed.

As long as each artist is given two locations in each issue with a total of six blocks between them, each newsprint issue can be reprinted in book form without any alteration to or significant scaling of the original artwork. An attractively jumbled layout is produced, both for the Sunday newsprint edition and in book form.

Song

By Christina Rossetti

She sat and sang alway

   By the green margin of a stream,

Watching the fishes leap and play

   Beneath the glad sunbeam.

I sat and wept alway

   Beneath the moon’s most shadowy beam,

Watching the blossoms of the May

   Weep leaves into the stream.

I wept for memory;

   She sang for hope that is so fair:

My tears were swallowed by the sea;

   Her songs died on the air.

From Goblin Market, and Other Poems, 1862. Project Gutenberg text here.

YouTube Captioning: “In Search Of… Atlantis” (Part 2 of 3.)

This is part 2 of a roundtable captioning project between myself and contributors KKDW and TheDiva. Part 1, captioned by KKDW, can be found on the YouTube Captioning blog. TheDiva’s part 3 will appear there as well. Many more captioned YouTube videos — including our first completed feature film, courtesy of TheDiva — may be found at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

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But could it run Doom?
When was the first non-sequitur invented?
(Except the stuff that is like it.)
Plato’s metaphorical Atlantis…
“Ruined”
Maybe it was mixed in from another puzzle. Are any of your other puzzles missing a piece?
In an analogy, for instance…
“Beyond” in which direction?
Santorini must lie to the west, in the Atlantic ocean?
“But first, I’d like to sing a little song about the most famousest of all hobbits…”
YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU MANIACS!
These fish were once cockerel.
And impossible, if you’re a Conservative.
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Is ANYONE else seeing the giant loaf of uncooked bread dough?
Only to be wined, dined and disappointed, and left with a disease.
“And he stresses that it’s for sale.”
Like love.
I’m beginning to trust Dr. Ashur less and less.
So we sit and draw pictures for the tourists.
“And that they might have artificially inseminated cattle.”
“But you’re mean, and I’m not showing it to you.”
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
“The E.U.”
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
“And the Smiling Freak.”
Thousands more equally vague predictions that couldn’t be shoehorned into anything are kept in a U-Store-It downtown.
Both vaguely.
No, when he was very sick, he predicted his death within the next four days.
Who didn’t?
No, a death of a President… sometime.
And other loopy sh*t.
He was wrong.
When did he write “I’m Your Boogie Man”?
So not in ’68 or ’69, and not involving any geological upheavals then?
“…In the Atlantic.”
This is the only somewhat regular-looking bit, by the way.
Groupers!
“Leonard, must you work huge white bottoms into every single script?”

“Shut it! And get me another f***ing Gandalf robe.”

“And in other places with similar geology.”
1. STFU

2. GTFO

3. They’re the teeth of a giant space hippopotamus.
4. After Eight mints… OF THE GODS!
5. Some madman has leaked the secret of T-squares to the coral.
What could go wrong?
And the candlestick maker.
“Nothing gay happened.”

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Building the Shack, Part 11

Filled the gaps in the roof with expanding foam. Still a few leaks, but mostly sound.

Built a doorframe. Hardware from various junk drawers in the shop.

Door scrounged from the old cottage on the island, along with the two side windows.

Didn’t do the door the correct way with shims. Nailed and screwed small lengths of scrap around edges of doorframe to straighten it.

Considered getting help to move the picture window into place, but found a way to do it alone. Tacked a pair of strips to the outside of the shack, to prevent it from tipping outward.

Not quite enough space to get the window into place. Had to shave the gap down.

Rocked the window into position by stepping it up on levels. Clamped it to frame and pinned it from sides with screws.

Tacked a strip under where I wanted the side windows, after a few false starts. Put the weight of the windows on the strips, and used clamps to keep them from tipping. Measured, screwed the hinges in, and then removed the strips.

Tacked foam tape around the frames of the side windows. Used hardware from one of the old boats at the top and bottom of either as latches. Walls in progress.